Have you ever wish you were still 16?
They say life starts at 40. I say it’s biologically incorrect because our lives start the moment we were conceived in our mother’s womb. I say it’s logically incorrect because the true significance of what life is varies to every person.
My life started when I was born and if I were to put it in the context of distinguishing life with endless predicaments, limitless hope and drastic change in the way people think and use their hearts; I’d say my life started when I was 16.
At the age of 16, I let my guards down and explored the world without fears. I tried the Bs and the S and what not (silly smile). I also came to know the distinction between true friends and beer friends. And for the record, I knew my heart was ready to offer itself to someone; I knew my heart was ready to fall in love. Woohoo
At 17, I became Miss Independent. I had lived in an apartment near the university so just imagine how much freedom I had. I was awakened to the idea that there was a much chaotic and bigger world than Marikina and Quezon City. I became an expert in using the LRT and MRT passes (huge achievement for me!). Unexpectedly, I learned what it means to be taken for granted and what it means to do something without any regrets.
Here comes the transition part from being a young lady to a full-fledged lady. I celebrated my 18th birthday in an island away from the city. It was a personal choice. My aunt arranged a huge celebration for my debut but I declined. I didn’t want to be around the great pretenders in our clan and the untrustworthy people/friends on my special day. Instead, I chose to be with the people whom I trust the most: my dad, my mom, my brother and sister. They are the only people who are going to be there for me unconditionally when everybody else turns their backs on me.
All at once, it felt like I wasn’t getting any younger. Everything else around becomes a matter of making the right decisions or not. There was no turning back time. I lived. I loved. I became happy. I got distraught. I cried. I was hurt. I survived.
When I turned 19, I told a friend that I’ve been through a lot in terms of struggling to keep a relationship alive. I may not be the most ideal partner and I admit that I have imperfections. But I tried everything I could to be the best that I can be. Perhaps each person has their differences and there would come a time that you just get tired of dealing with it. For the first time, I felt the angst of losing my trust to this one person who could’ve been my forever.
My confidence became a struggle. I didn’t seem to see the beauty of life and love anymore. It was my fault that I let love elude me and my entire life. But the simplest blessings in life come in the most unexpected circumstances. Someone gave me a planner. She told me that I should get my life back on track; which I did. Amidst the pain that I went through, I saw beauty from other people who’ve been there all along, unnoticed.
Sadly, I failed. I gave in again. And regret sucked me big time.
I just finished watching One Tree Hill’s Season 5. The reasons why I love this series (aside from James Lafferty is so handsome and Hilarie’s hot), it inspires me now to build my dreams just how they managed to take baby steps to get to where their hearts lead them. I used to be so carefree and strong before the soul breaking part. I know I can still be that same old person I used to be, I’m just scared.
I was also inspired by how Lucas described his comet. I might be just like the boy in his story. I’ll wait for that comet that once gave me direction and showed me a meaningful life. But I hate Lucas. He’s so in denial of whom and what he really wants. Looks like I know someone who might be just like him.
Yea, I may be the lost soul which he pertains to, but I believe that there’s really nothing wrong with waiting; it just takes a lot of courage and patience.
I’m Jessica. I’m 20. I’m not too proud of some things I’ve done in the past. I know now what would make me really mad and what could make a good girl gone bad. For all this, I know now what I’m capable of doing, and I’m not proud of it. It reminded me that I got to the brink of limit because some selfish soul pushed me to be one. I could be the sweetest and nicest person you could ever meet, but I hate it when people lie to my face. I hate when people do double-dealing with me. I hate cheaters and imposters. I despise selfish people. I hate …
Bitter? Yea, quite. But that’s not all to it. I just had time to rethink about who I really am and what I do and don’t deserve.
Life is about exploring the depth of everything that’s important to yourself. It’s about being in a state of ecstasy in one moment and be swallowed by a black hole the next. But the most important thing is: how you learn from mistakes and hurt and how you stand up for yourself to survive the darkest hours.
This is my life, and I’m making a stand. – James Lucas Scott.
- just imagine how painful it is when the person you love tells right in front of your face that the other person whom she’s been secretly loving (who knows), is PERFECT. … I’m not the one for you and I’m not perfect for you right, so why still hang around buddy? Err..
